I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
