plz talk dirty to me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She swung at the pinata with crutches
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
