i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
