In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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