So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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