So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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