I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
