Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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