you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
