Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
