2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
