YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize