I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
