if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
