My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
