Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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