Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
