we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
