im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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