creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
