I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
