I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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