I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
