I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize