mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
