she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
