I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
