you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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