Define "chronic" masturbator.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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