That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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