She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
