So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
