so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
