he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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