dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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