did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
