Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize