No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Who died my cat blue again?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
