If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
