this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
