Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
