Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
