I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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