He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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