hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
