Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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