His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
