The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
