Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
