a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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