why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
