I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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