You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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