if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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