God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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