Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
