things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
