I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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