Can i not drive my cunt home
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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