Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
