who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's never too late to be topless.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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