my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
