this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
