He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
