I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
