sarcasm needs its own font
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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