we're chasing vodka with high fives
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
