just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
